The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's always time for handjobs
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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