Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
