Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
