This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
