That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
