Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
