what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
This toilet bowl is my home.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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