Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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