why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
