Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I lost the right to judge tonight
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
