Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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