Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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