Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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