After last night, I could never be a politician.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
did i walk over a car last night?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
