Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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