I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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