Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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