One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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