Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
