is your mom at the bar?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize