her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
