12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
