:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
