Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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