he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
