Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
