If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
