He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
