i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
