There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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