I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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