you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
