I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
