We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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