I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize