Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
