do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
