I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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