we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
