ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
