"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
