The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
