his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
