he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
