when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize