"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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