but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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