What did we do last night that was yellow?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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