I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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