I accidentally burped into my bong.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
