i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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