Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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