I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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