just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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