Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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