he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
