You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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