oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
my liver is dry heaving
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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