I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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