Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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