he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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