why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
