I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
