please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
