Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
