There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
