He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
