I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
