The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
