Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
