im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
