Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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