At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
