Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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