I love black thongs
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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