Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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