I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
