I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
